My efforts so far - to get a Delegate Pass for the IFFI
The IFFI is all set to begin on Monday and I am no closer to getting a Delegate Pass today as when I started my attempts two weeks back. Five attempts so far with varying degrees of failure but not an inch of success.
But let me begin from the beginning. I located the IFFI site on the Internet and downloaded the Application Form, printed it and filled it up.
That part was pretty easy. The Documentation part was the stumbling block.
I had to prove that I was involved in filmmaking or was in somewhere connected to the film industry.
Just decided to bluff it out and take my chances.
The IFFI office is in the refurbished old GMC complex and I walked in wearing my white corduroy trousers, white golfing shoes, a borrowed white coat with large lapels and a purple shirt.
Looking around arrogantly with the haughty attitude of a minor Bollywood star I asked the pretty receptionist, "Who's in charge here?". She looked me up and down and asked what exactly I wanted.
"My agent is very busy with some contract matters in Singapore and he told me to collect my Delegate Pass directly from here as I was in Goa for some shooting anyway."
"You have sent in the form earlier Sir?"
"Ah yes. He said he had sent it in but you know how these agents are", I said with a wink at the girl, "Anyway here's a duplicate form just in case you have not received it."
"But Sir. You have to attach documentary proof of your Film Industry status"
"Documentaries? Sorry dear I only do masala films.
Didn't you see me in 'Kaho Na Kahan Gaya?'"
"I don't recall your name or face Sir.
But regardless we need documented evidence."
"My dear you don't quite understand. You really expect me to carry along some pieces of paper when I'm standing here myself. Shall I call up my friend Mahesh Bhatt right now?".
I said this while removing my Nokia 3310 mobile with a flourish. I think that was a wrong move. She must have realised that a Bollywood star would not be seen dead with something as plebian as a 3310 and so I was soon politely escorted out by the security guys.
One week later I made my second attempt.
This time I decided to make an honest approach. Dressed in my most casual clothes I approached the girl hoping she would not recognise me.
"Good morning ma'am. Where do I give in my application for a Delegate Pass?
By the way that's a lovely outfit you're wearing. Must get my wife one like that. Where did you buy it?
Imported or what?"
"Haven't I met you before?"
"Highly possible. We movie types bump into each other everywhere. You know how it is. Heh Heh!
Here's my form and photo."
"But Sir you have not attached any documentation."
"Oh I can tell you that. Just note it down."
"I'm a founder President of the Aldona Adult Film Society. "
"Never heard of it"
"Not many have. It's a rather exclusive membership. But I can get you a vistor's pass for a screening.
What say? Interested?"
"But Sir, registered Film Societies can have only members and no visitors"
"That's why we didn't register it!"
"Then it doesn't count"
"How about Sholay?"
"What about Sholay?"
"I saw it four times on the big screen and at least twelve times on TV. And I saw Sound of Music eight times, and Fiddler on the Roof six times. No?!
What about being able to whistle every tune from Amar Akbar Anthony and sing every song from Singing in The Rain? Surely that counts? No?
Ok I have seen every Mafia movie ever made. And have the Original Special VHS Edition of the Godfather Triology. I watch a movie almost every day on TV.
I have every movie channel, even the ones that show pixellated adult films late at night.
I know the ushers at the Ashok and Samrat Theatres on a first name basis.
I always get the best seats when it's not house-full.
In fact I can get you tickets even when it is house-full.
And I also know...."
"Sir, I really would like to help you but don't you have any filmmaking experience?"
"I once held the light for my friend Miguel who is a wedding
videographer? Not good enough? My digital camera can do thirty second MPEG files. No? I know how to download and forward Animated GIF files from the Net. No?
My brother-in-law had the first cam corder in Divar..."
"Have you at least been a movie critic ever?"
"I think Poltergeist Part 2 sucked.
And Jennifer Lopez can't act to save her life.
Marlon Brando was over rated.
So was Alfred Hitchcock, whereras Satyajit Ray and ..."
"Ok! Ok! But did you ever say this in a printed publication?"
"No but I mentioned it in an e-mail to a cousin who has a laser printer and he prints all his e-mail.
No? That don't count?"
"Have you ever at least been a part of the technical crew of a movie?"
"My cousin Leo used to hire out props for Hindi Movies for nearly two decades. No? My sister-in-law's lodge was used for a scene in the Bourne Supremacy. No use?"
"Any acting experience? Anything at all?
I really would like to help you get a Delegate Pass"
"I was on TV once. As part of a newsclip showing people watching the Bonderam Festival".
"No! No! Not TV. Film. Have you acted even in a secondary role"
"I did audition for a crowd scene when they were shooting Sea Wolves but was not selected. Thanks dear, you've been most kind, but I think I get the message. Best I get going. There's this Tiatr..."
"Whoa? If you are a Tiatrist. I think I can see how I can get you in? Just get me documentation of your involvement with Tiatr"
"How will that help?"
"Don't you know? There are no film makers in Goa worth mentioning so we are giving passes to Tiatr and Natak people and calling them Filmmakers. The only criteria is that you should have had at least one of your Tiatrs video filmed and sold in the Gulf as a movie. What exactly do you do in Tiatrs?"
"Actually I'm just going to pick up my wife. She's gone to see the Tiatr with the rest of the family."
Folks, I'm getting pretty desperate to get a Delegate Pass to the IFFI. Any and all suggestions on how to go about getting a pass will be most welcome.
Nov 27, 2004
(courtesy: Aldona-Net www.yahoogroups.com/group/aldona-net )
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